


take me to church

by BlackWidowRising



Series: take me to church ‘verse [1]
Category: Captain America, daredevil - Fandom
Genre: 20GAYTEEN, American Politics, Angst, Bisexual Matthew Murdock, Bucky fell off the train and died in this one, Bucky is very very dead, Catholic Guilt, Coming Out, Fox News, Gay Steve Rogers, I need to stop writing fanfic in geometry, I think I tagged this right, I write at weird hours and post inconsistently, Internalised Homophobia, Irish Catholic Steve Rogers, Kidnapping, M/M, Pride, Small!Steve, Steve Rogers is a violent little shit, Steve Rogers tells the GOP that they have to stop using him in campaign ads, Steve Rogers went to protests in the ‘40’s and you can fight me on this, WIP, War is hell, Whump, he hates everything their party stands for, i have no clue how to tag this, other tags forthcoming
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-21
Updated: 2019-02-04
Packaged: 2019-07-14 23:10:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 2,110
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16050491
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlackWidowRising/pseuds/BlackWidowRising
Summary: Steve wakes up, goes to church, and gets a boyfriend (not entirely in that order, he’s got shit he needs to handle first.)Alternatively, “How Steve Rogers Told the Entire GOP to Fuck Off and Stop Using him in Campaign Ads.”





	1. If the heavens ever did speak, she’s the last true mouthpiece

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first multi chapter fic and please be forewarned, I intend to update roughly every other week, maybe, if I remember.

Steve is a good Catholic boy.

Steve is a ~~good~~ Catholic boy.

Good Catholic boys do not fight any asshole who disrespects people.

Good Catholic boys do not have criminal records.

Steve is not a good Catholic boy. He fights anybody who deserves it and gets arrested for fighting and protesting.

A good Catholic boy does not get arrested when the cops raid gay clubs.

Steve can never be a good Catholic boy. He steals kisses on rooftops and takes beatings in alleyways. He prays, and he goes to church.

Steve wakes up in a new century with no one to steal kisses from and the only ones to fight are drunken assholes who have problems with the word no. He prays, but he’s not sure he can go to church.

There are rosary beads between his fingers and dreams of his best friend in his bed and Steve is not a good Catholic boy.

He goes to confession and a priest tells him that Hail Mary’s and the Lord’s Prayer are all well and good but he just needs to accept himself and find a good boy. Steve is confused and the priest is kind and the little church in Hell's Kitchen becomes his own.

There is a pride flag over his bed and a rosary on his nightstand and a dead boy in his heart.


	2. If i’m the patron of the good times

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my gosh guys! I can’t tell you how much your interest means to me! Thank to all those who left kudos and commented on this work. Also this has been getting a little longer than it originally was supposed to be. I was supposed to finish posting this in December but I don’t think that’s going to happen now so instead i’ll Be posting interludes as well as chapters in an alternating pattern. See you in two weeks!  
> -BlackWidowRising

There is a pride flag over his bed and a rosary on his nightstand and a dead boy in his heart.

Steve goes to confession and lights candles and meets a boy, his name is Matthew. He’s lawyer who does mostly pro bono work. Matt’s blind and Catholic and Steve thinks that his mother would love this boy.

Matt takes him to Pride in June and Steve doesn’t know what to do with himself. They march with the bar association and Matt kisses him in front of the Stonewall Inn and Steve, who is still uncomfortable with PDA, who hasn’t told anybody about his boyfriend and thinks, all my secrets come out today.

Someone takes a picture. Steve and Matt go to bed happy and oblivious and wake up to a shitshow. Steve is making breakfast, Matt is flipping channels and lands on Fox News. It’s bad. Mike Pence is talking about how Steve’s been corrupted by the leftist Avengers. They even bring the Westboro Baptist Church lady. The pancakes burn, Steve and Matt stare in horror as the little life they’ve built for themselves collapses all around them. They switch channels, Ellen is on. She, at least, is kind. She tells people to leave them alone, let them live their lives, she says and Steve is thankful for that small mercy. They turn off the television and their phones and order in, preparing to hunker down for a long day.

Tony shows up and Matt nearly murders him on sight. Steve tells Tony to fuck off and he and Matt go back to reading. Foggy shows up, then Karen, and even Clint and Natasha. It’s Nat who suggests it first, get out of the city for a few days or weeks, however long it takes for this to blow over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come bug me on tumblr! My username is the same as it is here.


	3. my lover’s the sunlight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so, so much for your interest. like holy hell I did not expect this story to be so popular.

They rent a car, pack their bags and go on a roadtrip.

They go through New York, up to Canada and along the Great Lakes. It’s summer and they swim in Lake Eerie and jump over the Canadian border. They live in cozy bed and breakfasts and they are happy, for a while, at least. But then they come home and it’s different.

They’re not being attacked but Matt has bruises on his knuckles and a baseball bat under his bed but Steve loves him and that’s all that matters.

Steve stops by every evening to pick him up from work and packs him lunch and Matt is happy because his boyfriend loves him. Matt should have known it wouldn’t last.

When Steve is assigned to the Triskelion he tells Matt he’ll visit often and call every night when he kisses him goodbye.

Matt misses Steve the way your heart misses your lungs. But they love each other and Steve promised he’d come back.

He doesn’t come back.

Matt is greeted one fall morning by two dark suited SHIELD officials. The day is perfect, it’s not too warm but not too cold. The leaves are bright. The day is perfect.

Steve is missing. The day was perfect.

Matt loves Steve, this he knows. But Steve is missing and he’s not sure whether he's dead. Matt loves Steve, but in this moment, he wishes he didn’t.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Go bug me on tumblr: https://blackwidowrising.tumblr.com
> 
> I still haven’t posted it there yet, but I will.


	4. To keep the goddess on my side she demands a sacrifice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finished writing this fic, (all nine parts!!) and I am about halfway through writing the sequel but I might go back and rewrite this to add more dialogue in. Tell me why you think about that in the comments. Between posting the sequel and finish posting this I plan on posting a series of prewritten interludes.

Steve’s team betrayed him. They attacked him as he was sleeping, ripped his shield from his back, pulled his cross from his neck, stole his rosary out of his pocket and chained him.

He had a rosary in his pocket, a cross around his neck but he still has St Matthew around one wrist and St Michael around the other and he is not alone.

They take his medallions of St Matthew and St Michael when they find them and Steve is worried for a second that no one will come for him.

They take him to a warehouse in some Eastern European wilderness and for a minute Steve can replace fall leaves with snow covered bows and chirping with the rattle of train tracks. He is almost relieved when they drug him. He doesn’t think he wants to see those nightmares yet.

Matt has a rosary between his fingers and prayer candles in his window because his boyfriend is missing, didn’t you know? But there’s work to be done and people to protect because that’s what Steve would have wanted.


	5. offer me that deathless death good God let me give you my life

They want the serum, want his blood and his bone. His heart and his lungs, but he has no heart for he has already given it away.

They take blood until he’s woozy, then lock him in a cell for who knows how long.

They take bone marrow and tissue samples. They take and they take and hey take until Steve isn’t sure if he has anything left to give.

Matt has case files on their kitchen table and a stab wound in his side, because his boyfriend is missing, haven’t you heard? But Matt is just as reckless as Steve and he needs something to distract himself, because his boyfriend is missing, haven’t you heard?


	6. My lover’s the sunlight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So we’re nearly done with this part of the story so there might be a bit of a lag between them because I need to finish typing it up. But anyway, enjoy these last few moments of angst because it will get happier from here.

Fall turns to winter which turns to spring and Karen and Foggy say he should move on but Matt’s still waiting for that letter from the government. 

Steve isn’t sure whether he’s dreaming or not, he’s so in this haze of lost blood and pain. Sometimes he swears he’s small again. Sometimes he thinks he sees the Avengers.

Steve has fever dreams in his head and a team by his side, a rosary between his fingers and a cross around his neck.

Steve thinks he sees the light, thinks he sees his mother. Swears his rosary is back beneath his fingers and his cross around his neck.

There is a cross above his door and a hand holding his own. But there's’ a boy standing at the door and a girl sitting in a chair and he is not alone.


	7. No masters or kings when the ritual begins

Apparently HYDRA had been inside SHIELD since its inception. They tell him this on the plane to Germany. 

(Matt remembers watching in horror as the helicarriers burn above the Potomac. For a moment he was worried that they would never bring Steve home.)

They tell him that Steve doesn’t look the same, that he might not remember him but he is alive and Matt is deliriously happy.

The nurses tell him to prepare himself and he thinks he is. He’s not, Steve’s heart sounds so weak, and the machines are so loud, and his lungs shudder with every breath.

(Steve Rogers was never meant to be caged, God rest him who ever tried.)

They give him 15 minutes before he wakes up and has to be sedated again, Matt cries.

(It’s been months since he last heard Steve, and every morning he woke up thinking that he was in the kitchen making breakfast.)

Matt cries because Steve is alive, even just barely, and that’s all that matters.


	8. There is no sweeter innocence than our gentl sin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One last chapter to go!! And then I’ll start on the sequel.

Apparently he’s small again. Matt doesn’t seem to care. He doesn’t mind that Steve’s lungs rattle and his heart flutters even when Matt isn’t in the room.

Steve has rosary beads between his fingers and physical therapy three times a week but his boyfriend sticks by him and Steve’s not sure what he did to deserve Matt, but he still has him.

When they release him from the hospital, he goes home and has a quiet welcome home party with his boyfriend and this little family that he has created. It’s Natasha, her brother Alexei, and his girlfriend Ava. There’s Karen, Foggy, Clint, and Clint’s wife Laura. They have cake, watch a movie, and make sure that Steve is all settled before leaving Steve and Matt alone.

There’s a rosary on his nightstand and his boyfriend is right next to him but he can’t sleep because Steve is terrified of being ripped from his arms.

Matt eyes the bags under his boyfriend’s eyes and Steve’s doctor ordered therapist wanted him to talk about it, but he couldn’t.

There were talk show appearances scheduled for him by Pepper and for a moment, Steve hates her. He appears on Ellen, Good Morning America, and The View. They ask about his life and adjusting to his new body, they ask about Matt and he answers. His voice is higher now, breath more wheezy and his heart flutters at any new emotion. He is different now, but the hosts eat it up. They ask him what he will do now and he says got to art school, maybe college and law school as well. Steve tells them that he wants to help people, and he thinks those are the best ways to do it.

The interviews are uneventful and repetitive until he gets to the Fox and Friends interview. Steve hadn’t wanted to go but Pepper insisted and he had obliged. The only upside to the whole thing was that Matt was coming as well.

They ask the normal questions, but things take a turn when they start asking uncomfortable questions. They ask about his Catholic faith and how that contradicts with his “unrepentant homosexuality.” There are questions about immigration, marriage, and finally his “support” for Republican candidates in the midterms. 

The truth is, Steve doesn’t support any of those candidates but someone had inserted Captain America in each and every one of them, voice imitation technology lending them his voice. In the beginning, Steve Rogers wasn’t linked to Captain America, but then he kissed Matt which then somehow got leaked. Steve hates the ads, because they’ve co-opted his image and voice.

Next, they ask whether he’s going to endorse anyone running because apparently he should “support those who want to stop unskilled immigrants from ruining our great nation.” He loses it. Steve tells them about his mother who, at 16, was driven out of Ireland by the potato famine. Then he speaks of his father, who came a year later at 19 whose family form had been decimated by the famine. They were unskilled workers and yet he, the son of these immigrants, was America’s favourite son, whose dog tags had been forced to read Protestant and not Catholic. One of the host tries to interrupt him before he finishes and he tells them to “fuck the hell off and take me out of your goddamn ads,” before collapsing into an asthma attack.

Steve has a rosary between his fingers and a crucifix around his neck and he’s refused the Presidential Medal of Honour but his boyfriend loves him and that’s all that matters.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments give me life. Thank you so so much for all the kudos and bookmarks.


	9. Amen, amen, amen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter! I’ll start posting interludes and part two soon.

The Kavanaugh hearings happen and Steve goes down to DC to protest the appointment where he sits in the rotunda until he gets arrested. Matt bails him out and signs a letter with a group of other lawyers urging the Senate not to confirm him.

They’d been living in an endless cycle of protesting, hospitalisations, and getting their names dragged through the mud. Matt has plans for them the night after he bails Steve out and they go to a nice restaurant and a then a walk around the monuments. They’ve made it to the World War II memorial when Matt drops to one knee and proposes.

Steve says yes.

There’s a rosary on his nightstand and a ring on his finger but there are wedding plans spread out all across the kitchen table.

They are happy, if only for a while.


End file.
